I loved being able to be a new person abroad. I cherish the shared history I have with my high school/uni friends — but it was massively freeing rather than isolating to arrive in a new place where no-one knew any of that. It was the inverse that was tough, the first time coming “home”, when I had changed so much while everything seemed to be the same old here and no-one here had witnessed what I had experienced over there.
Anyway, thanks for sharing, Kay — I always enjoy comparing notes with expats, it reminds me of my now distant time abroad.
Such a great question, Kay, and so difficult to answer! I don't think I could single out one thing, this probably needs a whole post :P Maybe just the fact that I existed in a whole other language (Spanish) - that still seems like a feat of magic or an alternate reality.
I love how you described that at the end! That's exactly what it is, and the fact that it still feels that way from a distance says something real about how profound that version of you was. A whole life lived in another language is not a small thing to have done. Maybe that post is closer than you think ;)
This is where loneliness can become heavy to bear. How to navigate it, make it lighter, and accompany one’s self as gently as possible becomes the new path forward… obvious but not always simple.
I think you do such a beautiful job of articulating the tension that comes from movement and living in new places. In particular, I love this line, "It’s that explanation isn’t the same as witness." It reminds me a lot of the idea of having a sibling and how they are the only person who may be able to truly and deeply understand your childhood since they have witnessed it alongside you. Of course there are nuances there too.
The sibling parallel is exactly right, Lena, and it points to something important: witness isn't just about knowing someone. It's about having been there. Your sibling didn't just hear the story of your childhood. They lived inside the same rooms. That's a different thing entirely.
And it's what so many long-term expats are quietly missing — not people who understand intellectually, but people who were in the room. Thank you for this thread (and your kind words!).
Thank you for putting this into words. I've been so many different people in the different places and contexts I've been in, and I feel a disconnection sometimes from never having anybody in my current life who knew the 'before' me.
I’m glad it resonated with you, Louise. That disconnection when no one in your current life knew the “before” you across all those different places and selves — it captures the quiet gap long-term expats learn to carry.
You've been so many versions, each tied to its own context, and that absence of witnesses adds a weight that’s worth naming.
I loved being able to be a new person abroad. I cherish the shared history I have with my high school/uni friends — but it was massively freeing rather than isolating to arrive in a new place where no-one knew any of that. It was the inverse that was tough, the first time coming “home”, when I had changed so much while everything seemed to be the same old here and no-one here had witnessed what I had experienced over there.
Anyway, thanks for sharing, Kay — I always enjoy comparing notes with expats, it reminds me of my now distant time abroad.
Thanks for sharing, Suansita. It's interesting how the same absence of shared history can feel liberating in one direction and lonely in the other.
What stays with you most from that time abroad, now that it’s in the rearview mirror?
Such a great question, Kay, and so difficult to answer! I don't think I could single out one thing, this probably needs a whole post :P Maybe just the fact that I existed in a whole other language (Spanish) - that still seems like a feat of magic or an alternate reality.
I love how you described that at the end! That's exactly what it is, and the fact that it still feels that way from a distance says something real about how profound that version of you was. A whole life lived in another language is not a small thing to have done. Maybe that post is closer than you think ;)
This is where loneliness can become heavy to bear. How to navigate it, make it lighter, and accompany one’s self as gently as possible becomes the new path forward… obvious but not always simple.
So true, and beautifully stated :)
I think you do such a beautiful job of articulating the tension that comes from movement and living in new places. In particular, I love this line, "It’s that explanation isn’t the same as witness." It reminds me a lot of the idea of having a sibling and how they are the only person who may be able to truly and deeply understand your childhood since they have witnessed it alongside you. Of course there are nuances there too.
The sibling parallel is exactly right, Lena, and it points to something important: witness isn't just about knowing someone. It's about having been there. Your sibling didn't just hear the story of your childhood. They lived inside the same rooms. That's a different thing entirely.
And it's what so many long-term expats are quietly missing — not people who understand intellectually, but people who were in the room. Thank you for this thread (and your kind words!).
Exactly! There is absolutely a key nuance there that affect understanding.
Thank you for putting this into words. I've been so many different people in the different places and contexts I've been in, and I feel a disconnection sometimes from never having anybody in my current life who knew the 'before' me.
I’m glad it resonated with you, Louise. That disconnection when no one in your current life knew the “before” you across all those different places and selves — it captures the quiet gap long-term expats learn to carry.
You've been so many versions, each tied to its own context, and that absence of witnesses adds a weight that’s worth naming.