A few weeks ago, Vivian of The Expat Diaries invited me to write a letter to my younger expat self for her series. What started as a quiet reflection turned into a longer conversation — about the in-between, about identity, about the thing that hums underneath a life lived abroad that nobody quite has words for.
So we decided to record it on June 12th, 2026.
As someone who’s been conducting research interviews with long-term expats, returners, and globally mobile folks — it was fun to have the tables turned for this conversation.
What No One Tells You About Long-Term Expat Life
Topics we covered:
The low-grade hum — the chronic nervous system load that long-term expats carry without realizing it’s unusual
Why migratory grief is different from the grief we feel entitled to claim
The finding that surprised me most from 35 interviews across 49 countries: only one person used the word loneliness… but everyone described it
Why our grief comes pre-apologized — and what that costs us over time
The three-year inflection point, returners as an underserved population, and what Third Culture Kids carry that we’re only beginning to name
Timestamps:
0:01 — Introductions: how Kay & Vivian met on Substack2:02 — Kay’s life abroad story: Madrid, 17 years, Filipina-American6:40 — "Gratitude and grief, holding hands within the same hour"8:37 — Where the inspiration for Kay’s research came from14:15 — What the low-grade hum actually is & how it shows up in long-term expat life18:36 — How the low-grade hum shows up in your first months of life abroad20:13 — Migratory grief: what it means & what the clinical research says26:56 — "Long-term expat grief comes pre-apologized" 30:34 — When the long-term migrant body keeps the score & its consequences 46:55 — The most surprising finding in my 35 research conversations52:01 — "I'm still trying to find my people" or loneliness in disguise while living abroad1:04:07 — The research hypothesis Kay had that was proved wrong 1:27:06 — How migratory grief shows up for Third Culture Kids 1:28:58 — The one research pattern that was true across gender, age, geography1:39:03 — Returners as an underserved, unrecognized population1:41:52 — The launch of Edgewalkers Collective’s first quarterly research report
Clips
The low-grade hum of long-term expat life:
Grief is built into the experience of leaving your passport country:
For long-term expats, our grief comes pre-apologized:
Why identity and belonging aren’t static for globally mobile folks:
How you can participate in Edgewalkers Collective’s ongoing research:
What’s next?
If this conversation gave you that exhale — that oh, so it’s not just me — the full research is available on Edgewalkers Collective.
It’s behind the paid tier, but there’s a 7-day free trial and you’ll get instant access the moment you sign up: the complete pattern report, field notes, and everything we were drawing from in this conversation.
Want to share your story?
This research corpus is ongoing and will be updated quarterly.
If you’d like to be a part of it, the research participation form is here.
If you want to go further
Sometimes it helps to have your experience witnessed; you don’t have to make sense of it alone:
I hold a small number of Expat Orientation Conversations each month — 60‑minute, one‑to‑one, non‑clinical sessions for sense‑making and orientation, not therapy or coaching.
Together we look at how long‑term life abroad may be shaping your inner experience, find language for what has been hard to name, and gently sort what’s contextual from what’s personal before you decide what, if anything, you want to do next.
Let’s keep walking the edges together.
Onward,
Kay✨
Who’s behind Edgewalkers Collective?
I’m Kay — Filipina American TCK (Third Culture Kid), 17 years in Spain, and a counsellor‑in‑training (CPCAB, UK). I spent over a decade working in inclusion and cross‑cultural strategy, helping organizations bridge cultures. I was good at it. I was also quietly burning out from being the bridge. Now I’m training to offer something different: recognition‑based support for expats and global citizens who are done being told they should feel lucky to be here.
If you’d like a sense of what working together could look like, you can read more on the Work With Me page.
If you want to access to the guided audios and quarterly pattern reports from my long-term life abroad research I send to paid subscribers, you‘re welcome to upgrade your subscription at any time.
